Sunday, May 16, 2010

I'm on a plane

Sitting on a plane in the last row. My sinuses are making my head feel like my brain is too big for my skull.

I'm thinking about my future and thinking that me present is pretty much stuck so the next step needs to be something that leads somewhere.

At least my seat is by the window, we need to keep an eye on these silver linings.

I'm thinking about my present and the situations of people I know and I don't know how people continue to believe in god and love. I'm just saying....

I'm on a plane. I'm sitting in the last row. I'm going to be on this plane for at least 4 hours. For the second time in 50 hours, an infant is in front of me on a plane. On a plane.

Things is, I still prefer this to being in a room full of people I know with no one to talk to and nothing to say.

My brain feels like it's pushing out my skin. Springtime is for dizzy.


Friday, May 07, 2010

Street Lights

I know he got a lot of shit for it, but Kanye's "808 and heartbreak" album pretty much says everything all the time.

You ever feel like you're living the wrong life in the wrong time? Yeah, me too.

The funny thing about those of who feel that way, we all feel all kinds of all alone, but if there's some source of, what's the word I want?, not empathy, comraderie(!), then we mist not be alone.

So there is this need to create something that connects and says, "I know, this shit is real for me too."

Most days, writing isn't enough. I can say everything in a story, but the situation remains the same.

What to do?
What to say?
What to write?
Another story that says, "I feel fucking lost?"
That gets the ache out, but then here we are in this same situation of feeling stuck in a world that wasn't made for us.

What makes it worse is being aware of the fact that this messy, dirty, cruel world is populated by people in far worse situations than our own and these whollyhuman feelings become even more reason to despair. Being aware of one's own egotism sucks.

So sing it, Kanye. I'm gonna listen and know that you're singing my brain in your auto-tuned voice.

Because as I know there's a poplation (populations) out there hurting more than me, you must know there's a me here, in Chicago, listening to you. And what can we do, but reach out a hand and say, "I know, shit stinks," in our own way, from our own point if view?

Life's laughing at all of us.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Bus stop blues

Look at me, blogging again.

I downloaded an app so I can blog on the go, hoping this will increase my productivity here.

I have a new story up at Monkeybicycle. The funny thing is, as I was reading it, online and in its published form, I was driven to revision. So, I have a revised version of the story hanging out on my computer. I think I flew too soon on that one. Ah well, what're you gonna do?

In other news, some guy openly budged in front of me in line at the Jewel. I made a point to "harumph" loudly. I hate having to remind others that I exist.