Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'm back

Apparently it's not ok to take a three month break from writing about yourself.

I was gone. And now I'm back. I didn't go anywhere, just got to working too much and not sleeping and, you know, a blog was the last thing on my mind.

And then, I guess because my blog became "inactive," I started getting those spam comments about Viagra and stuff and they all go to my inbox, which is annoying. And now that I wrote "Viagra" (twice) I'll probably get more of those comments. Sigh.

So, how to stop the SPAM? blog, I suppose.

Why no bloggy lately?
No writey lately, that's why.

I've been pretty sick of the game.

and pretty sick of me

Everything is a game, it's bringing me down.

I'm tired.


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

up, up, and away

I like this paragraph. It may be my favorite still:

If the world revolved around us, would we redefine the galaxy and be two stars burning side by side? Or would we be one light; spitting flame until we self-destruct and float in darkness? Content, but cold, searching the universe for a world that revolves around a star and not an ego or two; relieving us of the burden of godliness and gravity.

But the story, as I look back at it, kind of sucks.


Friday, August 28, 2009

in my own little corner

"Never Ever" finally has a home. I love this story. I love that Barry gave it a place to cuddle up and sleep-in.

Read it at Dogzplot

I'm feeling completely useless today.


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Boy-o Joy-o

People seem to be liking my story up at Wigleaf.

It is true that me and Theodore swallowed Pop Rocks and Pepsi Cola and now we are dead.

Kathy Fish gave me a shout-out on Facebook and I nearly fell on my face. Sometimes, my only verbal response to things is to go "gfrfable."

Also, returned home last night to find this in my mailbox.

It looks great. Subscribe HERE!

It's sooo affordable.

and also, when it rains, it pours, you know.

Noo 10!!! out now!!! includes my story, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but me and Theodore built a time machine." It also has prose by Bonnie ZoBell (I think her name should have an exclamation point, here we go:) Bonnie ZoBell!, Beth Thomas, Crispin Best, Kim Chinquee, Jen Gann, Karen Gentry, Rebecah Pulsifer, and Matt Bell. Also, has poetry and stuff. Go. Now.

Just got back from the Orange Alert Reading at the Whistler (having just read this week's NY Times magazine, I wonder what Jason will do if they get rid of the orange alerts). Jon Fullmer represented. Margaret Chapman blew the roof off. I played a "name that tune" trivia game. We cheated and I lost, but they still gave me a prize. I feel special.

Tomorrow Lindsay Hunter reads at the Hungry Brain. I am positive that is going to rock rock rock.


Sunday, August 09, 2009

thingz is thingz

I'm pretty psyched about this.

Yup, if you scroll down the page, you'll see my name next to a little box that says "buy" as in "buy" my chapbook.

While you're there, buy a subscription.


Sunday, August 02, 2009

Well shoot.

I have a story up at the new and shiny Knee-Jerk Magazine.

Read it Here.

I have also lately been feeling like someone else has been living my life and I'm all trapped in a tower somewhere watching the activity in a crystal ball and I'm all "what the hell are you doing?!"

I actually feel like this *all. the. time.*

I was just working on the palindrome and found that flipped around, one of the passages goes:

...wanted you. What this is?!

a ha ha ha, it's a tour thing.

Seriously though, this took an hour:

Sky big. Under it, living me. Need this. Have to. Then, I was wrong.

(flip it)

Wrong, was I then, to have this need: me, living it under big sky.

I'm gonna go watch "Law and Order" while I pummel the NY Times crossword puzzle. Yeah, I said it.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

the way I vanced with you

Went to the Newberry Library Book Fair today. Bought three books for four dollars. Promptly got rained on sufficiently warping pages of books. Fine by me.

People at the Book Fair were weird.

People everywhere are weird.

I wish I could change everything.


I promised a tour re-cap and dammit!

I had a great time on this tour. Can't even come close to talking all about it. To my van mates: Zach, Aaron, Amelia, Jac, Caroline, Blake, and Patrick--you are all kind of super awesome and you make me wanna do the ham face till I die. For real.

And big love to our guest readers, who in every city brought a whole lot of class, style, and nifty words.

I'm gonna do it like this, with pictures, because there's been a lot of Internet in my face today and my eyes are tired.

This is the van. We spent more than 5000 miles in this van. I can't believe I'm saying this, but love and miss the van.

While Zach was putting gas in the van, I found this in the driver's side door. Can you believe it!? (I only brought two books for the road, one of them was a biography of Abraham Lincoln.)

The Nashville show was really last minute and of our audience of 10, we knew 8 people and 5 of us were readers. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but not by much.

Can you believe it?!?!?!?! (At a honky tonk club in Nashville!!!)

We stopped at Willie's Place (Willie Nelson themed and owned truck stop) and got some bio-diesel fuel for the van. I made a new friend.

Shortly after we lost half our a/c, the gang decided to stop for bbq. I watched them eat and then made them take me to Subway. The guy who made the bbq sandwiches was very....mellow.

I cried in the LBJ museum. Then we went upstairs and Zach asked the guard, "Where's the robot?" He directed us to this: an animatronic LBJ who tells jokes. Do you think, while he was president, that LBJ ever thought this would exist?

I read a story out loud in Austin. The crowd seemed to like it. I liked them back.

Austin was great. Big crowd. Awesome crowd. We were so happy then....

Snack pack was the first to discover the Love Loft. He was quite emotionally attached to that space.

Gene Morgan read with us in Houston. I really liked his outfit.

I didn't take a ton of pictures in Houston, but it was fun: Absinthe, Elissa letting us sleep on every bit of floor in her apartment, Zach and I hosting the show completely sleep deprived.

I also didn't take many pictures in New Orleans. I was busy making memories. I loved New Orleans.

In Atlanta, we spent the afternoon swimming. (From the bottom: Blake, me, Snack Pack, Zach, Jac)

After our reading a band called Lyonnais played with their backs to the audience. Amelia and I did not approve so we went out side and pulled up some chairs and watched the show. After the music stopped, we put our hands on the glass and the lead singer put his hands on the glass on the other side and we shared a moment.

Caroline approves of moments.

Somewhere in Virginia we ate at the Nottoway Restaurant. The ham face was born.

On the road from Atlanta to Baltimore, we read ghost stories to each other in the van. My favorite was when Caroline read "The Hook" in a drunk Scottish accent.

I think I'm cool. Snack pack, apparently, does not agree.

This is our venue in Baltimore. Ain't it amazing?! See that trapeze bar there? In the middle of the pic? Yeah, I hung from that.

After our Baltimore show, some lovely people let us come over for some drinks. We had a lot of drinks. Our hosts also had two adorable kittens. Sometimes they would wander into the kitchen and because they were so small, I was worried someone would step on them, thus forcing me to pick them up and give them a good cuddle.

In Baltimore, we stayed in this house. It was really big. Our hostess was really nice. A one-eyed cat lives in this house. The cat is also really nice.

Caroline left us in Baltimore. We were all very very sad about it.

After Baltimore we went to New York. It was kind of lame. I could really, happily, live the rest of my life without a hipster telling me that I absolutely *have* to go to a party in Williamsburg because it's like nothing else on earth.

On our way out of the city, we were stuck in a traffic jam. I gave my ipod to the cause and we vanced to some Girl Talk. For real.

When we got to Philly, we were tired. Luckily CC was our hostess. She has an aura of calm that I find very comforting. She is great. This is her porch. She always has the best porches!!!

One of the stories Snack Pack read throughout the tour required him to remove his shirt.

At some point in the night, everyone wanted cheesesteak. Except me, I wanted pizza. Cheesesteak won. I got cheese fries which I feel were a more than satisfying substitute.

Who's throwin' dirt?

In Boston, Blake read a story that made everyone blush.

Those are two of my favorite pictures, ever.

Blake left us in Boston, we took pictures by the van because it just seemed to be the thing to do.

Then we went to Walden and were all sad and contemplative.

In Boston we also gained a Patrick Somerville and we were happy again.

Shane Jones read with us in Albany. They misspelled his name on the poster as Shanke Jones. I like the sound of that and I think he should keep it as his performance name. He also let us all sleep in his apartment and then he woke up at 5am to make us coffee. I am glad good things are happening for him.

In Ann Arbor, Amelia wore the Yaky Perm Pony and all seemed right.

No Amelia, we did not. If anything, we didn't go far enough. Here's to next year and speedballin' another 5000 miles!!!


Friday, July 17, 2009

throwin' dirt

Just returned home from the epic tour.

It wrecked me and it rejuvenated me and it twisted my brain and it broke my heart to say goodbye.

I should be happy to be home. Was so exhausted by the end. Was full of whiskey and beer and food made by strangers.

Had leg cramps and greasy hair.

Wore the same clothes over and over and by the end felt like a block of nasty ass lard.

And already I miss it. Miss the people and being with them always.

I was nervous about that--being around people all the time.

Now I miss it.

Wish I had someone to hug every now and then, like I did for the last two weeks.

Funny faces and shoulders to lean on.

Breakdowns and good times.

And the words the words the words.

People wrote shit in the van that made me want to be rocket ship so I could jump as high as I felt about it all.

At some point, will break it down city by city.

Gonna go cry now.

Sad face.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

wuzza wha?!

You know how sometimes an actor from a TV show will be on a late night talk show and they'll tell the host that they themselves do not actually watch TV and the host is all "But you're on a TV show! That's your job! You're ridiculous!"

I find that, more often than not lately, I've been getting really sick of words.

My tolerance is low.

Lazy writing don't float in my boat.

If I get bored, I stop reading.

I rarely finish reading something that I've started.
But when I do finish reading whatever I am happy about it.

Before, when I just finished books or stories that bored me or that I felt I had to work through, the last page left me feeling cheated and vengeful.

That's why I don't stand for shit.

No more miss nice m.lady

From now on I'm gonna be loud about it.

I'm an asshole.


Come out to one of the shows on our reading TOUR!

Hypocrite, far right.


Thursday, June 25, 2009


First, there's this:

I have a story in the current Smokelong


Then, there's this:

We're going on Tour!!!!!


And, finally, I have one of these!

My electric bill is going to be ridic.


Monday, June 01, 2009

truth squad

Given the choice, I would spend the rest of my days in my pajamas, eating ice cream (mint chocolate chip) and watching tv.

There I said it.

I am not ashamed.


Today, in class, we were discussing a Lydia Davis story. One of my students said she couldn't get on board because in the first sentence the narrator says that she has fallen in love with a man who has been dead for several years. I didn't say it out loud, but in my mind I was thinking:



Given the choice, I would be married to ?uestlove:



The drawback of "spring" (I say "spring" because it is maybe 50 degrees outside) is that my window is open and I can hear my neighbors being stupid and I don't know if they're kidding or if someone is going to get shot.


I am obsessed with this song:

I want to build a house out of bricks made out of this song and pile the bricks up so they block the windows and doors and I'm trapped inside, starving to death on the sound of this song.


I conjured a spirit today. Maybe it was a vision. All of it was a mistake.


I'm really liking Portugal. The Man


I spend a lot of time looking forward to sleeping, but then when it gets to be nighttime, I can't close my eyes and I stay awake until 2 or 3am and then when my alarm goes off, I curl up into a ball and cover my head with the blankets and I pretend that I am a blade of grass and I don't need to be anywhere but exactly where I am.


Today a moth clung to my jacket and I shook to make it fly away and then I thought how it must feel to cling to someone only to have them shake you off.


The other day when I was doing laundry I passed a *big* spider in the hall. He/she was chillin' on the wall and I said, "Spider, I won't kill you if you promise not to go into my apartment." Later, when I was bringing my laundry back up, the spider had moved very much closer to my door and I said, "Dammit! Spider! We had a deal!" but I didn't want to kill the spider, so I took my electric bill and I just kind of propelled it off the wall and down the stairs. I hope it survived the fall.


Yesterday, on the bus, the man next to me snored for three blocks.


Once, when I was on the bus, as I was waiting for the doors to open, the driver paused and asked me if I was okay. I must've looked real sad.


Apparently, "must've" is not a word.


Once, the train conductor stopped the train for me and that still makes me happy.


The highlight of my week: Mrs Bobo climbed her way onto the couch to hang out. I didn't have to coax her or hold her down and pet her saying "good girl! happy!"


I think that's enough for now.


and also why I watched the "Dead Like Me" movie and season 2 of "Secret Diary of a Call Girl"

I know, right?

Monday, May 25, 2009

diva ga ga

Crazy week of craziness is over. Took the optician test. Read (a story about cruise ship performing conjoined twins) at Quickies. Read (a story about a teddy bear getting a colonic) at the Dollar Store (while wearing a turban).

Saw the great Jill Summers kick booty at the Literary Death Match.

And now, I was able to enjoy the morning and spend some serious time contacting venues in New Orleans and DC for the BIG TOUR!!!!

I hope they write back. I feel like I'm online dating.

Huge, amazing news from the land of Jac Jemc. Dzanc is going to publish her book!!!!!! (in 2012, why-oh-why do I have to wait so long for these amazing books?! They're publishing a collection of Rober Lopez's short stories in 2010, sigh).


So I was walking to work the other day, all excited for Jac, and all excited for the BIG TOUR, when I had a stupid, but bumming out thought: almost everyone I know has a book either published or about to be published. sigh.

It's not like I've never considered the idea of a book of my own. Sometimes when I'm in a bookstore, I'll go to the "H" section and find where my name would go on the shelf. But it was never the big goal. Never the final destination of my mind.

I guess I'm also feeling bleh, because people around me more and more have been talking to me like writing is a cute hobby of mine, like decopage or knitting. Fuck.

I don't know. I've sort of realized that most of my focus has always been on the individual story and just trying to get it on the page because it's in my head and I feel like it deserves to exist and if someone decides to put in in their journal, awesome. But I've never looked at these stories and said, now what are you going to do for me? Maybe I should.

What I should do is stop shitting around looking at pictures of prehistoric creatures on the internet. Maybe I should get off the couch and go to my desk and write something with the intent of making it something real. Not because I want to catch up with everyone else, but because if one more person talks to me about writing as if it is my hobby I just might jump off some bridge somewhere. Either that or I'll move to France and become a cobbler.

shut me up, i'm being stupid.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

We have one eye so we must be twins

Took the optician test this morning.

Walking into the room I felt more prepared than I have for any test ever before.

10 questions in, I found myself thinking "I have never seen this word before in my life ever...."

ahhh, balls.

I've spent a good portion of my spare time and all of my days off for the last month putting of most things so that I could study. I did save time for documentaries and for learning the chords to "Patience" on the gee-tar. A girl has to have priorities after all.

I've been pretty antsy mostly because I have some story ideas in my brain and haven't had the time/energy/brain power to write them down.

Good thing I'm doing two readings this week and need to write something S.T.A. George is John Doe T.

Other things I now am going to do with my spare time:

Learn a foreign language
Pick up my slack and do my share of the work on the BIG TOUR
Take my cats to the vet
Learn to make pie
Finish the damn palindrome
Take out the garbage
Get a library card (I know, I know)
eat chocolate chips

But first, and perhaps most importantly, I am going to do a little sway dance while I whistle along to this awesomeness:

I also think we should take a moment to share this:


Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Somehow I've taken to saying "balls" every time I mess something up. I've been studying for the optician certification exam and every time I get a review question wrong "balls.

Every time I goof up or forget something "balls."

When a filling in my molar fell out "balls."

When I miss the bus "balls."

When I took the SATs, I was still working on the math section with the moderator said, "TIME" and I said, "SH*T!"

I imagine myself taking the optician exam on Sunday, the Lord's day, and the moderator saying, "TIME!" and me shouting, "BALLS!"


Two readings this week:

QUICKIES! (of course)
THE DOLLAR STORE (the secret's out)