Tuesday, April 22, 2008

drawing strength

sooo....over there on the right it shows that I have some words online. Since those words were published, I have received nine billion rejection letters, some kind, some standard, some downright mean(!).

I don't know, I just want to share that rejection sucks and I'm thinking that people just don't want to read what I'm writing. Poop!

ahhh, I wish I was satisfied with just writing and not sending out, but I feel like I'm doing something when I'm sending work out, especially in a week like this week when every time I sit down to write I end up looking at dlisted.

(omigod omigod omigod, I just saw a commercial for "so you think you can dance!")

anyway, writing. is hard.

(note to dude on American Idol, when you dye your hair purple, don't grow a beard that is barf brown, it looks wierd....or maybe it's the dude...what? hang on, he's singing, I need to go barf...okay I'm back...oh jeezus! that American Idol dude's head is huuuuuuge! it's twice the size of Ryan Seacrest's head!)

so, last week, in my 365 days project, I did "daily routine" pics. I thought you, dear reader (hi Ed) would like to know how a rockstar lives.

learn:



sunday.


monday.


tuesday.


wednesday.


thursday.



friday. (cat medicine, not drugs, get thy mind out of gutter)


saturday.









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Sunday, April 20, 2008

I have fans?

It was my birthday last week. One of the most surreal nights...ever.

Anyway, there was karoake and I didn't realize until I looked at the pictures today that while I was singing "shoop," I had a table cheering me on...yessss!






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Friday, April 11, 2008

"beauty pageants" are for real girls

So I'm watching Miss USA (co-hosted by Marie and Donnie Osmond) and eating pizza and drinking vodka (with a dash of grapefruit juice) and they're announcing the top 15 ladies who will be prancing across the stage in various sparkley outfits for the next two hours and it occurs to me that as pretty and tan and skinny and smooth-skinned as they all are...they are all looking dead on the inside.

It makes me happy that I can eat pizza and drink vodka and be at home on a friday night eating pizza and watching Miss USA and be dead on the inside too! My path to the finish line is sooo much easier!

Plus, I'm wearing pajamas.
Elastic waisted pants.
You know it.

(oh, and also, I think at least 5 of the top 15 are actually 30 years old and/or men)


btw, this lady=my hero:





that is all.


No, no it's not, I think Marie Osmond just made an incest joke.




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Birthdays are poop for the soul

I don't like birthdays, wait, that's a lie.

I *love* other people's birthdays.
Hate my own.

Just something about being reminded that you're another year older and in the same place you were a year ago, only your job is a little shittier and fewer of your friends are around. That's all.

My friend bought me vodka. That is a good thing about my birthday.

I went shopping and used my birthday as an excuse to not care about the impact on my bank account. That is a good thing about my birthday.

Yeah, but no, I hate my birthday.


ooh! I'm going to make a list of things that other people like, but I hate:

1) Birthdays
2) Children
3) Really sunny, beautiful, gorgeous days when everyone is all "you should be outside!" even though it's 102 degrees outside.
4) "Grey's Anatomy"
5) Popcorn
6) Beets
7) Carnivorism
8) "Million Dollar Baby"
9) Wearing socks
10) Thanksgiving

you know, I think I'm going to start a new feature here and call it "Haterade" and each post will be something that I hate and I will rate my hatered will glasses of Haterade. 1 glass=not so bad. 10 glasses = totally busted.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

ew.

So I was writing a story about Teddy Bears and I stopped because it was getting boring.

Then, a couple of days later, I was outside and I was just, you know, thinking, and the story jumped back into my brain and I had an a-ha moment.

One of the Teddy Bears gets a colonic.

So I go to The Internets to learn about colonics, cuz, what do I know about colonics? (Nothing, aside from the scene in LA Story).

So, there's a lot of information about colonics on The Internets.

There are videos on YouTube.

I told you, ew.

The story is one of my Theodore Huxtable stories.

I'm liking the writing of the story, now that I am informed about colonics.

But I don't know if I'll ever be able to read it out loud at any future Quickies!, which is where I read the Theodore Huxtable stories.

Maybe if I drink some whiskey before.

Yeah, with some whiskey.

I got a really nice rejection note today.

It was for a story about a vampire wedding....and Theodore Huxtable.

If you would like to publish a story about a vampire wedding and Theodore Huxtable, please contact me.

Or just a hug, I'll give you a hug.

But no colonics.

gross.






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