Monday, February 25, 2008

Working Title for a New Story

"On watching the 2000 movie "Where the Heart Is" starring Natalie Portman, Ashley Judd, and Stockard Channing in which Natalie Portman plays a pregnant teenager whose boyfriend abandons her at a Wal-Mart while on a cross-country trip and she then lives in the Wal-Mart until she has the baby and then the rest of the movie is about how makes a life for herself with mild success as a photographer and a marriage to the town hottie/smarty-pants *meanwhile* the boyfriend who abandoned her gets arrested, stays a worthless drunk, loses his legs, and lives a life of regret, in short, he gets what he deserves and even though I paid ACTUAL money to see this movie when it was in theaters, and left the theater knowing that the movie really only deserved, maybe, to be on Lifetime: Television for Women, the other night, when it actually was on Lifetime: Television for women, I sat down and watched it, the whole thing, all the while knowing that I could be doing something like reading a book, or doing laundry, or writing a novel, or something productive like that."


Thursday, February 21, 2008

oh god, not knowing is worse

Have you ever been asked that question, would you rather know that something bad is happening in your life (this is usually asked in regards to a significant other cheating, but that's not what I'm discussing here) or would you rather not know?

Not knowing is worse!

What I'm discussing here is that I have a bazillion stories out in the submission abyss and I have this weird paranoia that they just deleted my email instead of responding.

I'm not one of those optimists who thinks, "oh, they like it soo much, that's why it's taking longer than usual to get a response" no, I'm one of those pessimists who thinks "they hate me so much, they don't even want to deal with me."

not knowing = stinky.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

my name is m.lady and I have a problem

I have never, in my life, ever been an on-time person.

And in our clock-driven society, that just doesn't fly.

My tardiness is not because I am lazy, rude, inconsiderate, or any of that.

My brain just doesn't "get it" when I look at a clock.

I have *absolutely* no concept of time.

So, I bought this book:

I'll let you know if it works.

I hope it works.

Because, most people don't understand that I don't mean to be late all the time.

And then they hate me/fire me/dump me.

And that sucks.


Saturday, February 16, 2008


I like the Wikipedia

I like the Wikipedia because I can look up really random shit and learn lots of interesting stuff.

Like, today, I was really really bored at work, so I started looking up stuff on the Wikipedia.

I looked up unicorns
Tao Lin
Mary Hamilton x 2!
Alex Trebek
My Little Pony
and the Mid-Atlantic Ridge

which got me to thinking about those CRAZY deep sea fish and other scary creatures, so I Googled "deep sea creatures"

and found this. Well, hello, my new favorite website!

I then perused LiveScience for a while, checking out the latest info on expanding space and negative space and rogue stars and the whatnot.

When I read articles like this, my brain kind of goes crazy. Like, I can't wrap my mind around the idea that the light we see now, from this galaxy far far away, is light that was emitted (?) 13 billion years ago!


I think it is quite accurate that truth is stranger than fiction. Which is maybe why I find it hard to get wrapped up in a fiction novel or story, unless it's AWESOME, of course. Which is definitely why I prefer to read non-fiction.

which leads me to ask

can anyone recommend a really awesome non-fiction book that will make me go "whoa! no way!" while reading?



Thursday, February 14, 2008


It is ValenDrunk day here at m.lady headquarters.

Having drunk (drank?) a significant amount of white zin (cc knows, sorry about that drunkity drunkness on the phone, cc), I decided it would be a good time to write some shit for an upcoming reading series that the Hunter and I are working on (post soon to come announcing Chicago's newest most awesomist short-short/mini-fiction reading series!), I discovered that Google has made GoogleDocs PINK! everything is PINK and there's a tag at the top of the page (PINK) that says "Happy Valentine's Day!"

oh puke

I will write my genius anyway, but seriously, pink and hearts and whatnot? Any other day and I'd be all "hearts!!!!!"

but not today

not on Valendrunk day

Google, you bitches iz crazy.

These are pictures of me being drunk and dancing around my apt on ValenDrunk day:


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I am turning into my mother

Three of the things genetics gave me from my mom:
1) my nose
2) tiny ear canals
3) a tendency to cry while watching *anything* on tv.

My mom often cries during Oprah... actually, think she always cries during Oprah.

but you know what?

so do I
it could be a show about carrots and I'd be all kinds of "pass the Kleenex"

But not only did I cry during Oprah's reunion of the Cosby kids yesterday (Theo is lookin' HOT).

(doesn't he *totally* look like that sensitive guy in your college Sociology class? swoon)

You see, and I a little afraid to admit this (but here goes), I also cried when Uno won the Westminster Dog Show.

Yes, I cried during the dog show.

I fawned over the dogs for two hours and I *may* have attempted (more than once) to actually reach into my tv set to cuddle the Toy group.

Here is a clip of Uno hangin' w/ Martha Stewart.

(I know the band changed their name, but I don't care, their my faves and will always be "Say Hi To You Mom" in my heart)


Sunday, February 10, 2008

Forgive me, but I am watching the Grammys and...

Rihanna is wearing my dream Prom ensemble.

The only thing missing is (are?) sequins.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

MIA? no. NYC!

I returned from New York on Sunday night with a mayjah case of "I think I'm going to cough up my lungs" hence the delay in posting.

Wait, let me go back for a second, I went to New York!

About two weeks ago, I left my cozy heated apartment to go on a whirlwind tour of the east coast. I hit Boston for 3 days, where I met my friends Sarah and Cobi's new puppy, Bea (aka Beatrix Samantha Kiddo), had a rousing Game Night! where I got to harass my friend Colin, just like old times. My awesome host Jean, let me sleep on her couch for 3 nights and we enjoyed some yummy food and long walks (and we didn't even get lost!)

Jean and Bea:

m.lady and the Colinator:

On Wednesday morning, I rode the Chinatown bus to New York City for the AWP conference.

I probably went to about 12 panels during the week and spent 3 hours at the book fair. There's a lot to discuss about the panels. There was the good (David Rakoff, Kim Addonizio) and the bad (I fell asleep during the William Kennedy/Russell Banks discussion) annnd the ugly (you know, to be a writer does not mean a person cannot also own a comb...and a mirror).

The panels I went to that I enjoyed most were the ones that made me disagree with the panelists. I like to disagree. I like to sit in my chair and think "oh yeah?"

For instance, during a panel on short-short fiction, the panel seemed to have a concrete set of rules for what they wanted from short-short fiction. Fine, okay, but where's the surprise. If you're reading only to check off in your mind the little list you keep of requirements for good fiction, aren't you missing the point? My favorite part of reading is the *feeling* the rush of surprise. The need to stop everything else so I can finish the damn book/story/paragraph. Anyway, that was one panel...

Another highlight of the week was meeting Robert Lopez and telling him awkwardly and quite drunkenly how much I like his novel and short stories. Maybe that isn't a highlight, maybe that is an instance that will always make me want to bury my head in the sand.

The conference was attended by over 7000 people, all of whom are probably trying to sell their book. yipes.

On Saturday, I went to Queens (what what) to see the lovely Mer and B, great hosts. We then went into the city to have a mini college reunion with Bert and Isafreak (and Isafreaks hubby, Mr. Isafreak) as well as Mer's high school buddy and friend to all, Cathy Pizzacato. We had affordable Thai (Pam in Midtown) and then a couple of drinks at a local watering hole.

B and Bert:

Isafreak and Mer:

m.lady and Bert:

Mer, such a lush:

Oh, and how could I forget?! I found heaven:

All-in-all a good trip.

Then my flight was delayed for 4 hours and I arrived in Chicago with the previously mentioned lung-evicting cough. Oh, these are the books I brought back, 13 pounds of joy in all!