Friday, November 30, 2007

give and take

I have taken to reading book excerpts on rather than buying a whole book. Because what happens is, I never buy just one book when I go to buy them online. I buy eight, nine, ten books! and that makes my bank account pissy at me.

Is there a name for a chronic inability to be on time to anything? ever? I don't remember a time in my life when I was reliably punctual. ever. And this makes people judge me, like I'm a bad person because I'm not on time. Never mind the fact that I'm kind to animals and smile at strangers and say please and thank you and have good table manners and pay my bills on time and give hugs when hugs are needed. When I arrive somewhere late, I may as well have just thrown a box of kittens in the lake. That's how much grief I get for being late. a lot. so that's been on my mind. Is there a type of therapy I can go partake in to make me on time?

I am far from being a perfect person which is to say that there are better things to harrass me about than my tardiness.

Project Runway USA is craptastic.
Project Runway Canada is heaven.

If I were to buy some books, I would buy a dash of Yannick Murphy, a li'l dose June Akers Seese, annnnndddd a barrel full of Cortazar. yeaahhhhh....

I have begun to receive bills for the ear infections that I had back in August. I get to pay $350 for the care I received while I was in excruciating pain for two and a half weeks. so, that's awesome.

But, you know what's really awesome? Health insurance. If I didn't have it, I would have had to pay over $1200 for my pain and suffering caused by freakishly small ear canals. So I am 1) grateful that I have health insurance and 2) grateful that I have a job and enough $$ in my account to pay the medical bills and still have some change left over to break down and buy books.

I am not good at buying presents. I can never get the right thing to make a person go, "wow! thanks m.lady!" What I can do is wrap presents. I have found that wrapping is very nice and meditative for me (no, really!). The revelation of the joy of wrapping gifts has also triggered a couple of stories.

So maybe I'll just give people really intricately wrapped presents and inside, once they rip open all of my handiwork they will find a note that says "this coupon is good for one cup of coffee." cuz who don't like coffee?

Or maybe it should say, "This coupon is good for one pizza." Because I know people who don't dig coffee (loonies), but who love pizza (right on).

Why is it that the days when I'm feeling good and right end with my nights spent watching "Project Runway: Canada"on YoutTube with Bob by my side and the days when I hate my outfit (what was I thinking?!) and my feet hurt (these shoes are too small!) and my tummy is all turned around and upset and my hands are jittery and my hair is seven directions of wrong and my nose is greasy and my lips are chapped and I'm out of breathmints and there's a stain on my sweater and I'm on my last roll of toilet paper and really need to get thyself to Walgreens end in nights spent with friends who convince me to go to a bar/art opening/sleep on their couch so I can go to work looking/feeling like this only hungover and smellier? Is that a Murphy's law?

The only reason more people don't read or think they don't like to read is that they aren't seeing the authors who are really doing something crazy and awesome.

I like sentences, especially when they're broken apart and twisted around and turned into something lovely and surprising. Like when someone makes an aquarium out of a television set. Like that.

In two weeks (if I get my library fines paid) I will be a graduate of a graduate program. Am I freaking out? Hell ya. Wanna hire me? Publish my book?

I'll settle for a hug.


Sunday, November 25, 2007

robots robots robots robots

more robots (in case you couldn't guess by the title):

John the Baptist bot:

nice bots:

helpful lovey dovey bot:

here's my heart, but where's my arms? bot:

this bot cracks me up:


Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Why is it that there are books that I am starving to read, but they are not on my shelf?

Today is the day before Thanksgiving and my refrigerator only has condiments that are questionably edible (expiration dates rubbed away or torn when I removed the outer wrapper) and two slices of soy American cheese.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. To friends and food and whiskey and food.

I am so hungry and I don't understand why my cupboards are bare when all I have to do is go to the bookstore for nourishment.

PS: Today, I'm sure, is the first time I've spelled the word "cupboards" without needing spellcheck to help me. Thank God for small victories.


I like Wednesdays because no matter how terrible the beginning is, I know I can look forward to "Top Model" and "Project Runway" and go ahead and think of that what you will, but it makes this day bearable.

In better thoughts, I went home this past weekend to celebrate the 40th wedding anniversary of my parents.

Ain't they cute?

And in writerly news, I'm at the start of a submission bonanza! I have decided to just get all of my shit (stories) together and send them all away. All of them. Every single one. And even if that means that in a few months, I will have a mailbox filled with rejection letters, at least I feel like I'm doing something with my time beyond honing my mah jong skills.

Also, sending all of those stories out, finishing up my thesis, and all will finally give me time and space (hopefully) to get back to that crazy of crazy ideas. The Palindrome! Ahhh Ha!


Monday, November 12, 2007

What I've been up to

Currently, procrastinating attempting to write a story.

Most of the day/week, I've been working on this:



Friday, November 09, 2007

"Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals."

I'm going to be reading (out loud and in front of people) tonight.

I am very nervous.

Mostly because it's a new story that I am very excited about, but also is a story, that for some reason, when I read it out loud in my apartment, I get some kind of southern accent, but I don't want to read it with a southern accent tonight.

What's a lady to do?

Good news is I'm wearing shiny shoes (patent leather) with bows, so that's a good thing. That and I had a burrito for lunch. Yum burrito.

But back to the reading. I mean, what makes me nervous is that I am not southern and the story wasn't written with a southern voice in my head. And I'm nervous that it will sound like I'm doing a bad imitation of a southern accent (which it would be-a bad imitation).

ah me.

Anyway, you should come to the reading. It's going to kick ass.

Here's a link.


Monday, November 05, 2007

I had a dream the other night that a dragon almost ate me

don't worry, everything turned out okay and, in the dream, I got a cookie.

I just felt like I should post a little "hello" note. I've been absent for a while due to a dropped computer. (Had to by a new computer, but the people at the Apple Store were very nice...thanks guys!) and then I got a massive head cold that pushed me to being bed-ridden. This gave me lots of time to contemplate my life and direction-or lack of. And, boy, did that cheer me up!

But, do you know what I do when I'm feeling down? Do you? Well, I'll tell you, I look at this and sometimes this.